I have mentioned this before but I have three little kids. They are 4, 2, and 1 years old. They are amazing little kids, but like many children young and old they sometimes get into fights. It is amazing to see them fight and then make up and apologize all by themselves. This happens a lot over small misunderstandings, sometimes though these little angels really get smacking. The 4 year really sometimes takes advantage of the 2 year old. It is interesting to see her get close to her limit and then she lets him have it. It amazes me how she is much more proactively loving and yet tougher when it comes to blows.
When the kids get to the point that they are not going to apologize and continue playing nicely we step in as parents and change what they are doing. We distract them. What do we distract them with? Cleaning.
We step in and let them know it is time to stop what they are doing, fighting, and start cleaning something. There are a lot of things to clean in a house. So we get them going on one small thing. They get distracted and the house gets a little bit cleaner. Not that they do a great job but they stop fighting, and start doing something different, and usually are doing it with us. This is a small thing but it is great in helping them to relax and interact nicely again. We clean for a few minutes and they are soon happy and playing a new fun game of whatever.
Over time they will hopefully realize that fighting equals cleaning. We just ask them if they want to have some cleaning time. The fighting is getting less intense and happiness is increasing overall. If they are really worked up and won’t clean they can take a time out until they will do a bit of cleaning. These kids are small, so we keep it very simple. We have them clean the doorknobs, or pick up toys for a few minutes, nothing serious.
We like this because as they get older they will know clearly that they will be cleaning if they decide to fight or act out of line. We won’t have to deal with spankings or other forms of corporeal punishment. You could easily use this method with some other redirecting activity. Perhaps weeding in the garden? Whatever you need to get done may be the activity for the day.
What do you do to help children interact happily and productively? What are the biggest struggles you face in dealing with conflict between children?
The caveat to this is that our parent ideas and styles will change rapidly. This is mainly because our kids change so fast as well. New problems, obstacles, and challenges with our kids require new ideas and actions on our part!
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